Relations with a Bottle

The beginning of March 2021 was officially one year without drinking alcohol. I didn’t knowingly start out with a plan to not drink for this long, but it’s been a good decision. I turned 30 this year and looking back, I spent a good amount of my 20’s inebriated. That was all fine and well and fun while it was fine, well and fun. It’s untenable forever though, and would get in the way of what I’d like to do the rest of my life.

My habits definitely leaned into being a binge drinker, not a daily drinker. When Friday rolled around I’d go wild – pretty much every week. I wish I could say it led to some memorable and magical nights. But once per week is 1/7th of your life, so it’s just routine at that point. The magic dried up when it became habit.

Drinking was a large component of my social life, and that’s been the hardest part to extract out of the routine. There is such a thing as drinking buddies, and when that mutual interest is gone, there may be minimal bonds left. I have to build a social life upon other things, which took a bit of time, but I think now its far healthier even if a bit smaller.

I think if I told my 20 year old self that its been a year since I’ve had a drink (possibly the longest dry spell since I was 16) he probably wouldn’t understand. I remember my mindset at that age. I know now that 10 years of hangovers and troubles and waking up without enough sleep wrought with anxiety is enough. There is not much new to get from the experience and at 30 my days of FOMO are a bit in the past.

When I think of a night out at the bar or a pub crawl, or going to a brewery; the idea of going out is 9 times out of 10 much more satisfying and memorable than actually being there. There have been times at breweries that I have had a great day at. I had a full on bender in New Orleans and it was a raucous time that I’d love to repeat. But these are the exceptions not the rule.

I know myself well enough that when I have a craving for a beer, having a beer only strengthens the craving and never satisfies it. I know that when I have 3 or 4, I don’t get tired, I get WIRED. That’s a recipe for bad decisions. Not to mention the enormous calorie intake once per week and a mess I probably made in the kitchen at 2am because I got hungry as hell.

Drinking is never something you get better at, and it’s not really a hobby. I think being a wine or beer or liquor connoisseur doesn’t hold value to me anymore. I sold myself a bad bill of goods when I was younger. I would identify with these traits and had them ingrained into my personality, as if liking a $5 beer could be a cornerstone of who I am. I don’t wish things were different in my 20’s. I think they were important to get to where I am and know who I am. Now I know the opportunity costs of the habit and that there are other things I could be spending my limited time and energy on.

Summed up, I am not a teetotaler, and I admire folks who can honestly have one glass of wine or one beer and call it quits. I wish that could be me, but I don’t think it is, at least not now. Would I drink again? I won’t rule it out completely, I really only have to make the choice day to day. Today it’s no, and tomorrow it’s no, but if I find myself in Scotland at Laphroaig someday, maybe?